Dating length marriage

Other men, once they learned of my history, avoided me altogether.

Dating length marriage albert hammond jr dating

At a young age, I concluded that widows were different from other women, set apart, other. Not long ago, I met a man with whom I instantly hit it off.

A friend of a friend, he looked me up when he was traveling through New York from Europe.

Yet when I started dating, widowhood became the woolly mammoth in the room--guys would try to avoid the subject completely.

The first man I dated after Frank, a sports fanatic from Brooklyn whom I saw for two months, would tense his jaw and say, "I'm sorry," before changing the subject to football. But I felt sorry enough for myself; after a point, I could hardly bear having anyone else feel sorry for me.

However, there always seems to be a barrier between us, and it's often Frank. Not only can I seem frustratingly ambivalent about what exactly I want from a relationship--I'm still trying to figure that out--but before I became a widow, I held my own judgments about these women.

Recalling my days as an English major, I recall depictions of tragic, desexualized widows--from Naomi in the Bible; Widow Douglas, the stern and pious caregiver to Huck Finn; Widow Quin in Synge's play .They hadn't, but I still felt comfortable discussing it with him.Perhaps because it didn't feel like a real date, only a hastily scheduled get-together, I felt none of the pressure that goes along with courtship.But it seems as though Frank's death smoothed all the rough edges off our relationship, leaving behind something ideal, untouchable, and intimidating to men.Some guys have even turned my widowhood into a weird power struggle, a game of "Whose life is harder?The path that led me from wife to widow had been long, crooked, and painful.

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